1.24.12
Hello All and happy new year to you. It has been a long time but after composing many of these in my mind I decided to take the time and put it out on "paper." We had a great Christmas and break from school. We have been busy working on tax prep and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our 8th child. We are due in February. But as exciting as that is that is not my reason for writing. Some thoughts I just had to share.
-- Educate your Desires... powerful words. One's that necessitate rolling around in your head for a while. Meaning do something about your desires don't just dream about them. LEarn, Do... so with that thought the following story and learning.
-- We had our pinewood derby tonight. Yes we had our last one just a little over 7 months ago. So we should have not been out of practice. However we apparently still have a lot to learn. We were dead last. Yep first car disqualified, first boy to be taken out of the race, the works. It was terrible for Harold to not win even once. You go thinking you are going to be the fastest ever and then to be the first one to loose well it is pretty hard. It was hard for Dad too. It was a group project. We even googled how to make a better car. We spent time together we planned ahead. But it was still last place.
Now while this is sad, sad that my son inherited his fathers reddening of the face when upset and so not being able to hide, walk away, or disappear it was obvious he was hurt. yet the rest of the race was still to be had and in a mere 15 minutes the races were finished and the winners were determined. It was over.
In today's world we rarely loose. We don't have a lot of practice with not succeeding. And it is really hard as a parent to not "give" your child the opportunity to win. We by no means sabotaged Harold but like all competitive parents we wanted him to feel the victory, the toothy victory of success. And we didn't. Greg and I worked for hours last night weighting the car, working on the finishing touches. We researched and coached Harold. And tonight had to teach him and love him through his loss and sadness.
So many things in parenting are just not taught. Like how to potty train your child, how to explain and why you have to keep explaining where dead people/animals went and why, and why we can't all win every time. As we headed out the door last night to work on the car I expressed how I felt like such a novice with our first and I was so thankful she seemed to be mostly well adjusted and fine. Sometimes I wonder what I spent all my learning time of life between 14-22 when I got married doing? Was I observing? Probably it's just different when it is you doing the instructing and watching instead of the being. And it is so different trying to engineer and facilitate great memories and life experiences when they can't all be controlled. I can't give my son the feeling of first place, I didn't mean to give him the feeling of last but here we are. I do however remember loosing occasionally and it hasn't stopped me from wanting to try other pursuits.
While I sat there watching my children praying and hoping for some way to soothe some hurt, but knowing we had come home to hot chocolate and snowball fights (we got perfectly wet snow tonight and lots of it), and sibling play I realized that while we may have lost an event we are NOT losers and are not LOOSING. We are living and this was a mere second of the journey. And my heart was so thankful to hear my son pray that he was thankful to be in the derby... I reminded him there were many boys who weren't there tonight and didn't get to compete at all. I told all my kids we were sad but we tried and we are learning and will improve- only one way to go right? And that we had already had fun since the loss and we needed to move on. Isn't that what perseverance is?
-- One last thing I wanted to share for all the couples out there. With the upcoming arrival of our baby we also have had to or chosen to start being more diligent about exercise. Weird I know they rarely go together but after a diabetes scare on my part it became a better alternative. So I took up walking. Well my super supportive hubby has also taken to accompanying me on night walks. It has been such a great time for us as a couple. Being super pregnant I'm not a marathoner or sprinter. I am limiting the exertition to 30 minutes but it is such a great time to talk and hold hands. Do you do that any more? It is great. It is cool and it is very dark, the full moon was very nice. But it is getting done and I would HIGHLY recommend the time. Allowing yourself the time to reconnect and share the success of getting some extra exercise in your day.
Wishing you all well. And hoping that you are enjoying more success than not. We hope to have pictures and info on what our new arrival is soon. But in the meantime will be hastening to get our house in order to be ready to enjoy our convalescence. ha, ha... what a thought. Best to you all. A
-- Educate your Desires... powerful words. One's that necessitate rolling around in your head for a while. Meaning do something about your desires don't just dream about them. LEarn, Do... so with that thought the following story and learning.
-- We had our pinewood derby tonight. Yes we had our last one just a little over 7 months ago. So we should have not been out of practice. However we apparently still have a lot to learn. We were dead last. Yep first car disqualified, first boy to be taken out of the race, the works. It was terrible for Harold to not win even once. You go thinking you are going to be the fastest ever and then to be the first one to loose well it is pretty hard. It was hard for Dad too. It was a group project. We even googled how to make a better car. We spent time together we planned ahead. But it was still last place.
Now while this is sad, sad that my son inherited his fathers reddening of the face when upset and so not being able to hide, walk away, or disappear it was obvious he was hurt. yet the rest of the race was still to be had and in a mere 15 minutes the races were finished and the winners were determined. It was over.
In today's world we rarely loose. We don't have a lot of practice with not succeeding. And it is really hard as a parent to not "give" your child the opportunity to win. We by no means sabotaged Harold but like all competitive parents we wanted him to feel the victory, the toothy victory of success. And we didn't. Greg and I worked for hours last night weighting the car, working on the finishing touches. We researched and coached Harold. And tonight had to teach him and love him through his loss and sadness.
So many things in parenting are just not taught. Like how to potty train your child, how to explain and why you have to keep explaining where dead people/animals went and why, and why we can't all win every time. As we headed out the door last night to work on the car I expressed how I felt like such a novice with our first and I was so thankful she seemed to be mostly well adjusted and fine. Sometimes I wonder what I spent all my learning time of life between 14-22 when I got married doing? Was I observing? Probably it's just different when it is you doing the instructing and watching instead of the being. And it is so different trying to engineer and facilitate great memories and life experiences when they can't all be controlled. I can't give my son the feeling of first place, I didn't mean to give him the feeling of last but here we are. I do however remember loosing occasionally and it hasn't stopped me from wanting to try other pursuits.
While I sat there watching my children praying and hoping for some way to soothe some hurt, but knowing we had come home to hot chocolate and snowball fights (we got perfectly wet snow tonight and lots of it), and sibling play I realized that while we may have lost an event we are NOT losers and are not LOOSING. We are living and this was a mere second of the journey. And my heart was so thankful to hear my son pray that he was thankful to be in the derby... I reminded him there were many boys who weren't there tonight and didn't get to compete at all. I told all my kids we were sad but we tried and we are learning and will improve- only one way to go right? And that we had already had fun since the loss and we needed to move on. Isn't that what perseverance is?
-- One last thing I wanted to share for all the couples out there. With the upcoming arrival of our baby we also have had to or chosen to start being more diligent about exercise. Weird I know they rarely go together but after a diabetes scare on my part it became a better alternative. So I took up walking. Well my super supportive hubby has also taken to accompanying me on night walks. It has been such a great time for us as a couple. Being super pregnant I'm not a marathoner or sprinter. I am limiting the exertition to 30 minutes but it is such a great time to talk and hold hands. Do you do that any more? It is great. It is cool and it is very dark, the full moon was very nice. But it is getting done and I would HIGHLY recommend the time. Allowing yourself the time to reconnect and share the success of getting some extra exercise in your day.
Wishing you all well. And hoping that you are enjoying more success than not. We hope to have pictures and info on what our new arrival is soon. But in the meantime will be hastening to get our house in order to be ready to enjoy our convalescence. ha, ha... what a thought. Best to you all. A
Comments
Post a Comment